Why did the chicken cross the road?

The Catholic: She wasn’t sure that advice to stay where she was had been infallible as distinct from calling for mere religious submission.

The Orthodox: Because her side of the road was becoming dangerously susceptible to Latin influence.

The Episcopalian: To demonstrate provisional willingness to meet the stern demands of radical inclusivity.

The Lutheran: There were too many sacraments on her side of the road.

The Calvinist: As a sure sign of predestination.

The Baptist: To look for a more promising way to maintain the verbal inerrancy of Scripture.

The Methodist: To remain chosen but not frozen.

The Non-Denominational Christian: Why not? Which side of the road one’s on means nothing in God’s eyes.

The Unitarian: To overcome one-sidedness.

Michael Liccione

23 Responses to “Why did the chicken cross the road?”

1. Susan F. Peterson Says:
July 30th, 2005 at 9:11 am

What’s with all the cutsey stuff? I don’t come to Pontifications for marshmellow fluff. I can appreciate this sort of joke at times but it isn’t what I come to Pontifications for. Please don’t make it a habit or part of the regular diet here.
Susan Peterson

2. Adam Says:
July 30th, 2005 at 9:46 am

I thought they were funny. Surely, though, the Anglican crossed in order to demonstrate that both sides of the road could be held together in communion in the midst of disagreement and to prove that one side’s truth is no better than the other side’s truth.

3. Christopher Hathaway Says:
July 30th, 2005 at 10:37 am

Why would an Anglican chicken CROSS the road? As soon as it got to the middle it would stop and cluck “Via Media!”

4. Clay-Edward Dixon Says:
July 30th, 2005 at 2:05 pm

This is not even drivel. It is not funny. It is not satire. It is simple dreck, and unworthy of this forum. Perhaps revealing, none-the-less.

5. Philip Says:
July 30th, 2005 at 2:10 pm

I liked them! I would not mind more.

6. Carolyn Beyer Says:
July 30th, 2005 at 2:38 pm

shhh people, life is *way* too short to not be able to enjoy little things like this.

7. CaNN :: We started it. Says:
July 30th, 2005 at 2:40 pm

[…] t) – AGING HIPSTER Spong steps up fight against evangelism … (northjersey.com) – PONTIFICATOR: Why did the chicken cross the road? … (pontifications) No Com […]

8. Philippa Says:
July 30th, 2005 at 3:44 pm

Oh my gosh guys…give it a rest!!! This was a good smile and our Gracious Lord knows we need more smiles than anything else. Geesh!

Good post Pontificator. Thanks for the smile. 🙂

9. Gloria Says:
July 30th, 2005 at 3:48 pm

My gracious……
I have always wondered at folk who have no sense of humor. Thanks Pontificator, its a great break.
It is always better to laugh than to cry, or snipe at those who love to laugh once in a while..

10. Christopher Johnson Says:
July 30th, 2005 at 5:39 pm

Pretty good with just one error. Episcopalians don’t cross roads. One side of a road is just as good as another.

11. Paula Loughlin Says:
July 30th, 2005 at 7:59 pm

I enjoyed them. Humor is good for the soul.

12. Milton Says:
July 30th, 2005 at 8:03 pm

The Jewish chicken did eventually cross the road, after 40 years of wandering around!

13. david chalk Says:
July 30th, 2005 at 9:00 pm

Thanks Pontificator!

#1 & #4: angels can fly, it is reported, because they take themselves so lightly…

As for the rest, thanks: isn’t this far too depressing a world for us to not share in mirth and be heartened once in a while? Quite Eucharistic, I think: doesn’t it say “Sursum corda!”?

14. Father Vasili Says:
July 30th, 2005 at 9:25 pm

Is outrage! Was it ecumenical chicken-crossing “jokes” in blogs of 19th century Russia?! Was not!

15. RichardF Says:
July 30th, 2005 at 11:11 pm

The chicken crossed the road to bless it.

16. Dad29 Says:
July 31st, 2005 at 9:18 am

One infers that Susan Peterson is also the ringleader of the group who emails Limbaugh with Great Disapproval every time he discusses the NFL or golf.

17. Thomas Dunbar Says:
July 31st, 2005 at 3:38 pm
No pentecostal chickens: chickens don’t have tongues

18. David Deavel Says:
August 1st, 2005 at 11:11 am

Father Vasili and Thomas Dunbar,

Your comments were priceless. I think silly stuff is fine for a theological blog. G. K. Chesterton no doubt approves!

19. 1dayin7 Says:
August 2nd, 2005 at 6:01 am

Religion is closer to humour than philosophy.

20. Susan F Peterson Says:
August 2nd, 2005 at 3:04 pm

Well I have never emailed Russ Limbaugh about anything…but if I took him seriously I probably would be disappointed to find him talking about football or golf. (and I HATE when priests do it in their sermons!!!).
(Baseball, well, that’s different, I’ll tolerate a little talk of baseball.)

We all have our personality slants….I am the sort of person who doesn’t enjoy a party until she finds someone else willing to sit in a corner and talk about theology…and who when affected by mind altering substances (alcohol and the like) will only wax more and more metaphysical.

I have a few moods in which I can appreciate certain kinds of humor, like this kind, but when I was looking to Pontifications for a few moments deliverance from the monotony of bureaucratic life, it wasn’t enough.

I did enjoy the Russian comment above.

Here is an example of spontaneous humor which seemed hilarious to me at the time. When I was in college the Catholic and Anglican contingent attended the prayer meetings run by the Protestant/Evangelical group…in exchange, they came and sang compline with us. So at one of these prayer meetings, there was singing of Amazing Grace. A friend whispered in my ear, “Now, is this actual grace, or sanctifying grace, that we are singing about?”

Susan Peterson

21. Lisa Says:
August 3rd, 2005 at 12:39 pm

The Presbyterian chicken (bet you thought you covered us with Calvinists) crossed the road to find other chickens willing to form a committee to study the ethical implications of returning from said crossed road.

22. dancny Says:
August 9th, 2005 at 5:51 pm

I know God has a sense of humor. He created the ostrich. I am sure that with all the sighs He also gets a laugh now and again.

23. JCrawf Says:
August 12th, 2005 at 2:23 am

I loved it. But a couple things. With both Baptists and Methodists, the chicken might cross the road to get to the after service potluck. And for Protestants in general, to get to the Bible study at the local coffee shop or Starbucks.

I guess another reason for Catholics could be that the parish moved the Tabernacle into the shed on the other side of the road for Eucharistic Adoration. 😛

Pax Vobiscum